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You have to join the Israeli-Palestinian Comedy Tour GROUP to call me names

Hey everyone. Join the Israeli-Palestinian Comedy tour blog and you can post there and I will answer. The good, the bad, and the ugly.

I was in Punta Cana in the Dominican Republic the past 10 days and while there it was funny that there was a huge mix of people. Russia. French. Polish. Some Americans. And, Me, the lone Palestinian, and a dozen Israelis and French Jews. I spent most of my time kibbitzing with the Jews and Israelis. We had a blast researching Cuban Cigars -- I didn't smoke them because it is illegal in the US and I wouldn't wan tto give people more bad things to say about me being "unpatriotic." I only smoked AMERICAN cigars that served in the Iraq War at least three tours of duty.

Anyway, I met a lot of Israelis and we all got along. We all agreed that if we were in charge, we could resolve the conflict. Of course, the only catch was we all have to move to the Dominican Republic and live there together ... on the beach ... with all the topless ladies ... Yeeeeeeiiiiii haaaaaiiiiiii! Luuuuuuuu luuuuuuu luuuuuuu luuuuuuuu luuuu. (That's me undulating in typical Arab celebratory fashion!)

I have a column in this week's Southwest News-Herald about the fights that take place to grab the best lounge chairs under the best palm branch covered cabanas on the beach. It was Olympic competition and I -- the sole lonely Palestinian -- won the god medal every morning :) ... beating out the Russians and the Israelis. Too bad they don't have beach lounge chair competition in Beijing, the Palestinians would have won some medals. Did the Israelis win any medlas ... (tee hee :) ) ... just trying to rub it in :)

And, on a serious note, I wrote a column on one of the main reasons why Barack Obama, my bro Hussein as my bro Aaron Freeman likes to call the brother from another mother, picked Joe Biden as his vice presidential running mate. Biden is very pro-Israel, calls himself a Zionist (okay, balding, but a Zionist nonetheless -- not that there is anything wrong with being a Zionist, mind you, although he doesn't look Jewish.) And, Biden is the author of the "Palestinian Terrorist Act of 2006" ... LOSER! Seriously, Obama needs to make some gefilte fish with the Jewish voters in America this November and Biden might help him, Hussein, (Arab Muslim Name on American Presidential Candidate) do that.

I can't believe I'm going to have to vote for Ralph (barf) Nader. Puke! (I'm glad I wasn;t a close friend of Obama's. He would have had to renounce me, too ... Hell, Hussein has a longer list of people he has renounced than people he says he admires.) Oye Vezmeer! (My wife taught me that Oye Vezmeer is real, Jewish from the Chood, and that Oye Vey is really meshugana shiksa talk).

Ray Hanania

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Comment by Yigal D. Kahana on August 26, 2008 at 1:01am
Whoa Ray,

"Oy Vey" is not just crazy talk;
it was taken directly from Scripture!!
(I'm pretty sure it's toward the end of Yechezk'el/Ezekiel.
I can get you the exact cite if you really want...)
The yiddish version is "oy vey iz meer," which can be contracted into one word like "oyveyizmeer" - oh, woe is me!

Speaking of which, why did the English feel it necessary to destroy most Arabic and Hebrew words they learned?
What the heck is a "Jerusalem"? What is a "Jebediah" or an "Ezekiel"?
Is "Sharqiyyun" so complicated that "Saracen" is easier to say?
"Gibraltar"? Well, maybe that one's not SO bad.
But "Jordan" for Yarden OR Oordooniyah?
That's just wrong! There are plenty more such examples for our amusement and ridicule...

Say, I have a new idea for solving the PA-Israel conflict. Blame everyone else!
Seriously, that could work. We've all been political victims just as we've been linguistic victims.....

Now can we move on to get that casino open???....

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